Kids.... GRRR

Okay, so my oldest daughter is a very severe asthmatic.  She's been in and out of the hospital a ton of times and is on a twice daily dose of a preventative medicine, and so far it's done a pretty good job.  However, she started last night not feeling well.  She's got that asthmatic cough that sounds like croup and fell asleep at only 3:30PM yesterday and slept for over an hour, and didn't even want to eat dinner.  She called from the nurse's office this afternoon not feeling well, but wanted to stay to the end of the day because they were doing a fun art project.  Okay.  I told her to rest for a few minutes, have some water, use her albuterol inhaler and go back to class - if she needed me, she was told to call and I'd get right there to pick her up.   No big deal, this is pretty typical of our life.

Then she comes home from the bus - with a friend - "Can she stay for a while?".  GRRRR.  We've had this discussion many times about putting me in an awkward position to ask me with her friend right there on the porch to ask if she can play.  I started to say no, but they both sat and pleaded, and the friend pulled the, "My mom has to run an errand but I have homework, can I stay here and do it?" card.  So here she is.  And Emily is still wheezing and playing when she should be resting.

GRRRRR!!!

First official weigh in!

well, I weighed in officially this morning. I am down 5 pounds, which was what I had gained between Thanksgiving and New Years. I am happy with that though! I also lost a total of 5 inches - 2 in my tummy!

This next week the kids go back to Y classes so I am upping my work outs from the few minutes here and there I got this week at home to the full program I set up for myself, which is half an hour of cardio monday and wednesday mornings, and then another half an hour of cardio those afternoons/evenings plus half an hour of weight training on those afternoons/evenings. Although I'd prefer to mix up the days instead of doing two workouts a day two days a week, those are the times the kids are already in classes so I am there with nothing else to do so it works out well!

I may try to add another half an hour of weight training on Friday mornings before work, but I don't know if that will work out with my volunteer time in Em's class. We'll see. I still want to keep up on doing yoga at home with the 20 minute iPod download, at least a few days a week. Plus my weekly walks to meet the girls for coffee on Sundays.

I think adding those work outs to my eating plan will help boost my weight and inches lost in the next few weeks! I am so excited to finally be on my way to being a healthier person!

Besides my weight loss efforts, I have also been working on my goal of keeping the house cleaned and organized this week. The kids have been doing really well on their chores, which is helping a lot. I have some good songs on a playlist on the iPod, too, that is helping me get my cleaning done. It's nice to have some loud music or interesting podcasts to listen to while I clean - it makes me want to do it more, and when it's the loud upbeat music I dance around while cleaning which is good for my body too!

This week has been a great start, but I know myself and I sometimes lose my way when things come up that throw me off. I am hoping that I can get through this month of January without losing focus so that I can make this new lifestyle more of a habit than a process. But I am not going to worry about any of that right now, I am going to bask in the knowledge that my life, my body, my family and my home are healthier and happier this week!

Hilarious things...

Sometimes my kids say things that are so funny I can't stop laughing, even when they are mad or upset.

My son just threw a big fit over what to have as a drink between meals, and yelled in the whiniest voice, "Fine, I'll just have some stupid, stinky no-taste water, happy now mom??"

Cracks me up.

I still made him drink the water.

Bad Girl

I just did something I was not supposed to do... I weighed in a day early :( My weigh and measure in day is supposed to be tomorrow, and though I have been really good about my food (although I did eat two servings of pita chips last night) all week, I am only down 2 pounds. I know, that's still good, and I should be proud, but I really had this hope that I would lose like 5 pounds this week. It's hard to stay on track eating small meals all day and never feeling hungry when I don't feel like I'm losing enough weight.

This is my problem, and the reason I give up so often. Even though I have a lot of nutrition knowledge and self-knowledge and I know that eating a healthy and balanced diet, and eating all day long instead of 2 or 3 big meals toward the end of the day is the best for my body, not just my weight loss, but also my health. But I also know that when the scale doesn't change much and I have spent all week NOT feeling hungry, I think - well damn, maybe I need to eat less, then next week I will eat less, until I spend a week eating nothing but carrot sticks and slim fast shakes - at which point I will feel like crap, tired, cranky, nauseaus and depressed - and then I just give up the diet altogether. I do this all the time.

That's why blogging about this, as well as going through this life change with the support of my friends is so important to me. I find it to be much easier to get through it - and eat breakfast this morning (which I have never done on the weekends - at least very rarely and it's usually a big fatty brunch if I do)knowing it's the right thing to do for my weight and health.

So for today, my plan is to stay on plan. To do some yoga and get the house cleaned up so I can keep up on it this week. I know that next week when I add in my more intense workouts during the week I will up my weight loss from this week, and doing 20 minutes of yoga a day, and 20 minutes of cardio a couple of times this week has helped me raise my fitness level enough that I can try to keep up my work out schedule.

So, I am wishing myself luck, but I don't want to need it. I am instead going to wish myself happiness and self control. I know I have that in me.

Dinner

I am so hungry!  Not physically, I don't think - lunch was filling - but because we just booked our weekend away for the end of next month (our 8th anniversary) and we're going to Leavenworth, which is my favorite vacation spot (we don't get out much, or I'd probably say Cancun or something, LOL) and one reason is because of the Cheesemongers Shop they have there.  They have the very best cheese in the world, especially the Butterkase, the Basil Garlic Gouda, the Cotswold, the Drunken Goat and the Mango Ginger Stilton.  See why I am hungry???  Just the thought of all that yummy cheese, some fresh warm bread, and some of the wonderful wines and oh god, the Soup Cellar make me want to leave and drive up right now!!  Plus, there is the  Hot Sauce Shop, the place where, after a few too many drinks the night before, my lovely husband tried the hottest of sauces and puked!  Good times :)

So, instead of fresh cheese, warm bread, and great wine I am eating a turkey taco salad for dinner.  Ground turkey breast cooked in taco seasoning, black beans, olives, fat free sour cream and cheese, and a little salsa on a bed of shredded lettuce.  Good, but not cheese and bread :(

Why don't I do this more often???

I'll blog my check in tonight or early tomorrow morning once I'm finished eating completely for the day, but in the meantime I need to rant about myself.  Yes, I am self ranting.  Why don't I work out more often??  I did 20 minutes of yoga, then 20 minutes on the trampoline and I feel soooo good!  I always feel good after a work out, and I don't know why I don't do it more often.

The thing is, it's easier to just sit on my butt than actually make myself do anything active.  I know that.  But doing it would make me feel so much more healthy.  Physically and emotionally.  I actually enjoy the feeling of doing it (most of the time) and the feeling afterwards - it's just the making myself start that sucks.  I need to get over it.  I feel very good!

Day 4 Sucked

The funeral was really hard.

Funeral...

Today is my uncle's funeral.  I am sad, and nervous to go.  I've been to two funerals before... first was Jeff's step-dad's, second was for the father of one of my best friends in High School.  Both were awkward and hard.  Because I have such a low level of experience with death in general, I have a hard time knowing how to act or what to do when people are dealing with the death of a loved one.  Worse, when it's someone I've loved - like my uncle - I don't know what to do. 

I guess more than anything right now, I feel awful for my grandma...I can't imagine losing your baby.  I know he was 55 and a grandfather himself.  It's still her baby.  And my dad has lost his brother.  I wish there was a manual to show me how to show my support, my love, and my grief.  I love my family so much - even though we haven't always been the closest of families, even though there is a lot I don't know about them.

I hope this doesn't sound bad, and I don't mean to make light of the situation, but I am also hoping that being in this environment doesn't cause me to over eat today.  I am an emotional eater.  I eat sometimes just because I feel awkward and it's a something that I am comfortable with.  I think after the funeral we're going to my dad's house to be together, and there will be a lot of food I'm sure.  I am giving myself permission to eat off plan this afternoon - but not over indulge.  If I don't allow myself the permission to go off plan, then I will do it anyway.  Then I will feel guilty and feel like I have failed and that I may as well forget the rest of the day, and then I will do more than a little over eating, I will do a whole day's worth.

Ooops - Day 2 and Day 3 mid day :)

After last night's cranky episode I ate some popcorn and went to bed early, so I never posted my re-cap of day 2, so here it is now:

Breakfast was a whole wheat english muffin with a wedge of laughing cow and 1/4 cup of egg whites cooked in just cooking spray and an apple.  And of course the requisite coffee and fat free creamer.

Lunch was a cup of tomato soup and a slice of whole wheat toast with another wedge of laughing cow and an orange.  This time it was green tea and 2 cups of water.

Snack was a few handfuls of 98% fat free popcorn and a cup of green tea.

Dinner was 3 oz. of grilled salmon, 1 cup of brown and wild rice, and steamed broccoli and carrots with light hollandaise sauce (I make it from a fat free packet and fat free milk, and 2 tbs smart balance light margarine).  2 glasses of water!

Snack was more 98% fat free popcorn, a cup of no sugar added hot cocoa with a splash of soy milk, and more water.

I only worked out once - 20 minutes of fat burning yoga in the morning, but I skipped the lunar flow at bedtime and substituted watching Scrubs!!

So now we're on to today - day 3... I ate 1 cup of oatmeal with a tsp of brown sugar and 1/4 cup of raisins - and of course benefiber and a tsp of wheat germ.  And coffee. 

Lunch was hard - today PTA hosted our staff luncheon so the school was filled with the smells of a yuuuuummy looking lunch.  Including desserts.  Lots of desserts.  So I held strong and came home, but it was hard not to over indulge.  I drank green tea, and ate the other cup of tomato soup from yesterdays can... but then I also ate a sandwich of toasted bread, a wedge of laughing cow, 2 slices of deli turkey breast and some lettuce.  However, it filled me up and I feel good now. 

So far there has been no working out yet - but I plan to do a yoga session after posting, and then force myself to do another tonight before bed.  If I get the gumption I may even do 20 minutes on the trampoline too - but we'll see! 

Dinner tonight is up for debate... I was going to do red beans and rice with turkey kielbasa, but I am craving whole wheat pasta with EVOO roasted garlic, chicken, and veggies.  However, to throw one more wrench in my plan, I have a whole leftover pan of a stuffing and chicken cordon bleu casserole (stuffing mix cooked in water only - no butter, boiled chicken breasts shredded up, but the unhealthy part is it's all topped with sliced deli ham and full fat swiss) that I shouldn't eat... but it's here, cooked, and I don't know what to do with it.  The problem is it's soooo good, I have a really hard time not eating too much of it.  I have been doing a good job only cooking specific portions of dinners so I can stick to portion control - this is a big pan of food that I love, and I know I can't stop myself from eating more than my share.  Maybe I can bring it to someone else?  My grandparents are in town still at my dad's for my uncles funeral tomorrow, maybe they'll want it.  That's a good idea!  LOL.

Okay, that's all for now

Cranky

GRRRRR. Part of my plan with this whole "get healthy" thing was to feel better. I guess it's to be expected that changing my lifestyle will have some negative effects as they start to become habits - but it's weird. If I was feeling hungry all the time from dieting I could see being cranky - but I'm not. I actually have felt full pretty consistently for the past two days (I know, it's only day 2 and I am complaining). I am a little sore - but in the good way. I am not in pain, I am not hungry, I have been eating good, healthy, nutritious food so my brain should be functioning better and making my mood better. Instead tonight I am facing a horrible case of the cranky-moms. I am frustrated at the slightest thing, yelling at the kids for not eating their vegetables (In my defense, The Wild One finished his right away, very little complaints and he's the pickiest, so I know they tasted good to more than just me - and the girls both sat there for a good 20 minutes after all the rest of us were done eating still whining non-stop about not wanting them). The oldest whines and cries like a pubescent teen. At 8 she shouldn't be so freaking hormonal. But then again, neither should I, I suppose.

I need to go make ammends before bed I guess... back to do a re-cap of the day later :)

Day 2

Okay, well ... I did really well yesterday.  I ate well (I am not even beating myself up over the whole wheat pita chips and salsa at 10PM) and worked out twice - 2 20 minute yoga sessions, plus 20 minutes of cardio!

I also spent time with the kids and Jeff.  We had a great day with no arguing or fighting or anything.  It was happy.  The kids even started their new chores and everything.  No one complained or got mad - it was wonderful.  Benefit of my kids being so young I suppose - they still think helping and doing chores is fun :)

So today is harder already.  Getting up this morning was harder than yesterday.  I would really like to go back to bed, but I am going to finish my coffee then go take a shower.  The Diva has preschool this morning, so I will be bringing the laptop and trying to get online there for the first time.  I'm excited about that!  Not that there is any reason to be online for that hour and a half - I could easily wait until I get home.  But I probably won't.  LOL.

I think I am going to do the whole wheat english muffin with laughing cow cheese and egg whites and an apple this morning for breakfast.  See if that fills me up like the monkey smoothie yesterday.  Tonight's dinner is Salmon and wild rice with glazed carrots. Lunch is yet to be determined.  Depends on how hungry I am, I suppose.

I feel good though - I feel a little sore, and very tired, but happy.

Day 1 - mid day

So far, so good.  I feel very successful today, and it feels like a good start to my plans.  Here's what I've done today:

7AM - Breakfast: Monkey Smoothie - one 4oz container of fat free vanilla Activia yogurt blended with 4oz light vanilla soy milk, one frozen banana, one tbs of natural, fresh ground peanut butter, one tsp chocolate syrup, and one tbs each benefiber and wheat germ.  It was really very tasty and totally filled me up!

9:45AM - Work Out: I did 20 minutes of yoga, then 10 minutes on the treadmill and 10 minutes on the trampoline.  Then I popped in some high energy music on the iPod and cleaned my house for about 20 minutes, dancing all the way!  One cup of green tea down before the workout started

12PM - Lunch: I had a sandwich of two slices of Sara Lee Whole Grain White bread with 2oz of turkey breast meat, 1 wedge of laughing cow light swiss cheese, 1/4 cup lettuce, and a tsp of mustard.  I also ate about 8 baby carrots and an orange. 2 full 8oz glasses of water, too!

3PM - Snack: Started with another mug of green tea, followed by 2 celery stalks filled with natural peanut butter and then 2 more 8oz glasses of water.

Dinner is going to be a baked potato topped with smart balance butter, steamed broccoli and 1/4 cup of shredded cheese.  Probably a salad as well.  Later I will have a snack of more carrot sticks and maybe an apple.  If I am still snacky, I will either eat popcorn or pita chips with salsa.  I am really hoping to get in another 20 minutes of yoga tonight after the kids are showered and in bed before Jeff and I sit down to watch TV!  Been a pretty good day - I'll check in again either tonight or in the morning and let you know how I do and plan for tomorrow!

Day One of the New Life

Okay, it's 6 AM on the first day that I am practicing my new lifestyle.  Today I start eating healthy, working out, keeping a cleaner home, being a better mom, and a better wife.  Those are the big things I need to work on this year and I have a plan for each.  I am going to be exhausted.  But this blog is going to help me keep track of my emotions and my thoughts as I work towards those things.

So lets start by checking in with my emotions and goals for today.  I am exhausted, but I feel excited about all the changes.  I am ready to start my new eating plan - including forcing myself to eat breakfast.  But I am going to shower first :)  I plan to eat a Banana-Peanut Butter smoothie for breakfast, some carrots and an orange as a snack later after doing 20 minutes of yoga and 20 minutes of cardio - either jumping on the tramp or walking.  Lunch will have to be a can of soup or a sandwich - I am only allowing myself one smoothie per day and forcing myself to eat an actual meal for either breakfast or lunch.  Then dinner tonight is a baked potato with fat free sour cream, steamed broccoli and some cheese.  Yummy and healthy and vegetarian!  I also am going to help the kids remember their chores, spend some quality time with each doing some learning or homework, get them to bed on time so I can have quality time with Jeff, I want to make time today to call my mom, my brother, my sister and my grandparents and tell them I love them.

It's going to be the emotions that do me in.  When I start feeling bored, or unhappy, or tired - I give up.  So I am hoping that the GABA supplements work and keep my mood elevated and on an even keel so that I can keep up with the things I need to do and not sink back into the substandard status quo.  Ok, it's 6:20 and time to shower and really start the day - wish me luck...

It's a brand new year

Ready or not, it's 2009.

I have plenty of resolutions this year, I want to get caught up on bills and not have to worry about money every day. I want to start finishing my BA and get Jeff signed up for school as well. I want to be the best wife, mom, daughter, sister, granddaughter and friend I can be. I want to keep my house clean.

However - I have two very important goals. First of all is my healthy lifestyle. Yes, I know... it's been the same New Years resolution, half-yearly resolution, monthly resolution for about 12 years now... but this time I think I am ready with a plan that will help me lose the weight. I think that's the key right now. I feel like I am a "healthy person". I like eating and cooking healthy, I actually enjoy being active, and I think whats holding me back is just the extra weight that keeps me tired and lacking of energy. So I have a plan - an eating plan that includes enough calories and of all the right kinds, all the correct nutrition, and healthy foods that are going to help my heart, my brain, and even my blood sugar. I also have developed a calendar of activities that will put me in the right place and the right time with no excuses so that I have work out time... but not enough that I am going to over do it and make myself sick, but enough to make a difference. I also put together a plan for weekly and monthly incentives for my realistic goals of 1.6 pounds per week and 6.6 pounds per month.

Second of all, is our list of family resolutions. I am excited to start doing special days with each kid. They get to choose thier activity and who participates - just mom, just dad, both parents, ore even as a family. We're also going to fit in a service project once a month, a monthly outdoor activity, and a monthly family game or movie night. We also put together chore lists and a reasonable allowance for each kid.

Now - it's all about implementing the plans. The healthy lifestyle plan is easy - I wrote it specifically to make it easy to implement. But the family resolutions take planning, and the keeping up on the cleaning takes planning. I want to plan nights out with the girls, with my mom and sister, time with my brother - there are so many people in my life that I love so much, I want to make this year all about finding the time and energy to show them all how important they are in my life by spending my time with them instead of always being focused on "getting things done".

My family suffered a loss this last week. My uncle Duck died on Tuesday. He recently found out he had cancer, but he died of a heart attack in the hospital about 11AM. I am greiving, not only for the loss of a family member I haven't made the effort to have a close relationship with, but for the loss my dad and my grandma especially are feeling right now. I am grieving for the loss of opportunity to have a relationship with him, to tell him one last time that I love him, and the loss of a man who meant the world to people that mean the world to me. It is also a reminder that time is short - he was only 55 years old. We don't have much time on this earth to share with those we love. I have wasted so much of mine already on things that aren't that important. Focused on the wrong "things" instead of the right "people". This year I plan to start on my journey towards changing that.

Wish me luck :)