Cookies, Cupcakes and Wedding Cakes... oh my!

I've been in a serious baking mood lately.  For months now, actually.  Pinterest has been the death of me.  However, I've made some awesome stuff!  White Chocolate - Oreo fudge, chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake, and toffee-brownie cheesecake were just a few of the ones I started with.

I made these cupcakes for my mom's bachelorette party!  When her new hubby proposed, he gave her a ring pop with a diamond in it, so we carried the theme through to the party!

Then, it was time for the wedding cake.  My mom got married on November 11th, 2011 (yes, 11-11-11!) and asked me to make her cake.  It was a white chocolate cake with raspberry filling, and white chocolate buttercream frosting under marshmallow white chocolate fondant.  Can you tell the happy couple has a serious thing for white chocolate??  I used feathers in between the layers, red royal icing flowers, and Wilton's sugar sheets for the purple and damask ribbons.  They were pleased, and the best part - it tasted FANTASTIC!!

Today, along with all the Thanksgiving day prep cooking and baking, I also made some french vanilla cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and teal fondant stars for my oldest daughter's class tomorrow to celebrate her 11th (!!!!) birthday on Friday.

It's been fun.  My waistline isn't happy, but the baking has been fun!

Bullying and Suicide...

So, last week a 17 year old senior at the High School a few minutes down the road shot himself four days after his birthday after being tormented, teased, beat up and bullied.  From what I understand from other students - the fact that he was gay was the reason he was attacked.

What the Hell?

Are you kidding me?

This child, this poor innocent child, is gone.  Dead and gone.  No chance to see the world from a different perspective, stuck with the only experiences he will ever have having been the horrendous world of High School.  His family will never get to see their son grow up, face the world, be treated like an equal, or be happy. 

I hope those bullies grow up, have children, and realize the horror of what they have done and can never look themselves in the mirror again.

Murder.

That is the only name for what they have done.  Murder, because of arrogance and bigotry.  Murder, because of small-mindedness and hatred.   Murder, because we live in a world where these kind of bully kids are "popular" and life goes on for them.  Do you think these kids were suspended, charged with a crime, or even shunned at school?  Nope.  They got away with murder.

My heart is broken.  The fact that I live in a world, that I brought three children into a world, where this kind of hate is not only allowed to exist, but grown and tended like a garden in the hearts of our children, sickens me. 

We allow school board members in Texas to write messages on their facebook wall's about how they wish all "f*gs" would kill themselves. 
http://www.hrcbackstory.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/ClintMcCance-Facebook-image.pdf

We  allow candidates to run for office who say things like Homosexuality is an Identity Disorder" like Christine O'Donnell.

Really?  We allow this crap?  I am so angry, so frustrated, so hurt, and so pained by the world that we live in, that this stuff happens in our world, our state, and apparently in my back yard.

I wish I could go back two weeks, find this young man in the store, and have the chance to look him in the eye and tell him that he is WORTH the life that he has.  He is just fine just the way he is, and not to give power to this hatred.  Love yourself for who you are, and know that High School is such a small snippet of your life, and it will be over so quickly.  The world is so much bigger than your small town high school, and you deserve the chance to live in it.  To be in the world that will embrace you, understand you, and love you FOR who you are, not despite who you are.  I want to take his hand, and tell him that there are people out there that are awful and horrible, they have no heart, no conscience, and no one who has taught them to love, but that not everyone is like that.  I just wish I could let him know that being gay is not bad, or wrong, or anything to be ashamed of.  Hatred is, bigotry is, intolerance is, but being gay is NOT.

So Jordan, wherever you are, if you can hear my greatest wish for you right now, I hope you know that even strangers believe in you, that people who didn't get a chance to know you in life are saddened by that fact, and that the world is less of a beautiful face without you in it.

Rest in peace.

Back to work...

The end of the school year was tough - I couldn't wait for it to come, and I was counting down the minutes (okay, the seconds) until I was free.   I felt like I was the one singing "no more pencils, no more books..." and not the kids.  Once summer hit, I took to bed.  I slept pretty much the whole first day and then have gotten right into what my body feels is it's natural sleep pattern - sleep about 1-2AM, and up at 10-11AM.  No matter how many months - or years - I try and train myself to go to bed early and wake up early, it never feels good or natural, but this beautiful sleep pattern keeps me feeling refreshed and good.  Who knows why. 


But, unfortunately, I know that it can't last.  I have goals for this summer - and not just doing fun (and still free) things all summer with my kids and my friends, and even with my hubby on his occasional day off - but getting myself in shape.  I want to show up back to "real life" in September looking the way I feel.  So, I'm starting the Jorge Cruise "Belly Fat Cure" diet - cutting out most if not all sugars and simple carbs, controlling my insulin levels and trying to keep my daily calorie and fat intake at a decent level. 

I was doing really well at sticking to my kickboxing class 2 - 3 times a week all the way up until about May - but the last two months I haven't been doing much of anything.  So it's time to come back to fitness and work my butt off -  literally.  This morning was day 1, week 1 of the Couch 2 5K program I am doing with my girlies.  We are meeting at 6:30am, three days a week, for a 20 minute running program.  Starts off today with a 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down, and 20 minutes in the middle of alternating 60 second sprints with 90 seconds of walking.  At the end of 9 weeks, we should be ready to run a full 5K - and we're thinking of signing up for one in September to keep us motivated.  I also did spinning this morning, but I don't think I'll be going back for that again - it really hurts "down there".  The seats suck.  So, I'm hoping to find a couple days a week to do kickboxing, circuit training, yoga - whatever sounds good for the day - if I can do that twice a week, meet the girls for a little running 3 times a week, and stick to an insulin-reduction diet, hopefully I can meet my goal of losing 3 pounds per week for the next 10 weeks and go back to school 30 pounds lighter!

Positivity

So, I am feeling good.  I'm feeling like my life is getting organized, even if my house is NOT!  I have been doing great in school, and I just registered for Spring quarter and bought my books.  100 credits down, 75 to go, and I will have my bachelors.  I'm scared about what comes next - Masters, work, etc. - but I am not letting myself freak out now - I have time!  But I am doing good, class work is pretty easy, and I am keeping up on homework really well!  I'm working on the Pound for Pound Challenge with a vengeance... I have started Alli, and I am not sure it's working yet since it's only been a few days, but no bad side effects so that's a bonus.  I have done some research and figured out my Basil Metabolic Rate and the number of calories I need to eat to stay at my current weight.  Since my goal is 4 pounds per week, and each pound equals a 3,500 calorie deficit, that means I need to have a 2,000 calorie deficit per day to achieve my goal.  Alli is supposed to help you lose 50% more weight, so that takes me down to 1500 calories I need to deficit myself per day.  If I stick to my diet plan, that takes me down about 500 calories per day since my BMR says I need 2100 to stay at my current weight, and I am looking at hitting 1600 per day.  So the goal is to burn, on average, 1000 calories per day.  I can easily burn 200 per day in everyday walking, cleaning, and all that I do with my days.  So I need to exercise enough to burn 800 per day.  And boy, did I find the work out that I LOVE!!!  Kickboxing.  It's not a work out anymore, it's an obsession.  I am in love.  In love enough that I went out and bought new work out clothes, shoes and even kickboxing gloves.  In love enough that even though I can't walk after going 4 days last week, I can't WAIT for Monday morning when I get to go again.  In LOVE.  And, luckily enough, it burns about 800 calories in an hour at my current weight.  So, if all my calculations are correct, and I stick to my plan, I should drop an average of 3-4 pounds per week.  I bought a fancy-schmancy new scale that measures not only weight, but BMI, Bone Mass, Water weight and even Body Fat percentage!  So we'll see - I feel like I'm finally on a plan I can handle, oatmeal with raisins for breakfast, and on the days that doesn't sound good I can eat raisin bran, an english muffin with laughing cow cheese, or whatever I want that falls into a healthy option category with less than 200 calories and 10 grams of fat.  Lunch is a Smart Ones, still, I eat one every day and never get tired of it.  But if I am out and can't do it, again, 200 calories and 10 grams of fat or less and I am safe.  Dinner is easy, too.  Protein (3 oz), Carbs (1 serving), unlimited veggies, and a small amount of fat to cook with or as sauces, etc.  Snacks have to be 150 calories or less, 5 grams of fat or less, and I can have two per day.  Best options are, of course, fresh fruits and veggies, but I can do rice cakes, crackers, jello, pudding, even light ice cream or fro-yo.  As long as I watch portion sizes, calories and fat grams, drink enough water, and take my Alli pill three times a day... and do my working out... I should be 30 - 40 pounds lighter by my birthday, in 10 weeks. 

So, school and P4PC are on target and going well.  Money is good right now, we just got our tax return and the hubs new job is paying enough that IF we get our mortgage situation figured out, we might actually get back on top of it all, and that feels really good.

PTA is good, we have gotten through the majority of the problems, the auction is coming up and seems to be on track, and there are only a few small events coming up that I am not worried about.

Preschool is fine - I am finally feeling like I am getting caught up on stuff so that's a bonus.  I need to do my auction basket in the next two days but I am fin, I finally have the money to do it.

I'm on a roll... Life is going okay for once and I feel positive about it.  Let's hope I can keep it up, huh?

Pound for Pound Challenge... Our Version

So, the hubs and I have decided that we both want to get fit.  I want to lose 30 pounds and tone up, He wants to gain 30 pounds and bulk up.  Now that he has a new job with more flexible daytime hours (lame - back to more nights and weekends, but whatever) we have decided to challenge each other to see who can hit their goal first.  The only caveat is that we have to do it healthy - I can't crash diet to lose my 30, and he can't gain 30 lbs of pure fat by eating junk.  We are going to work out, both together and separately, and work on our diets so that he's getting more healthy fat and protein, and I am getting less fat and more protein.  It is going to be a challenge to find family meals that I can eat to lose, he can eat to gain, and that the kids will, well, eat at all.  But it is going to be fun, I think.  We weighed in this AM, and now he is off to drop the older kids at school and then stopping at Target for a gym bag, some work out clothes and a lock so he can join me this morning at the Y while the little one has her trifecta of lessons.  He started the day with a protein shake, I started mine with a berry smoothie.  I also bought some Alli, which I think I will start later this weekend.  The "treatment effects" of those pills can be a little ... scary?  So I plan to start them over the weekend when I can be home to deal with anything.  They say as long as you are careful about what you eat, after a few days your system gets used to the pills and you should be fine.  I am hoping it will be just enough of a help that I can stay motivated this time.

So, here we go... another year, another attempt at weight loss, another "motivation" that is sure to keep me in line... we'll see.  This is the first time I've had not only His support and encouragement, but also his desire to do something healthy, too.  I'm hoping that will be the key that I've been missing all this time.  Maybe if we're working on ourselves together, I won't be so apt to give up.

Field trip

I'm going on a field trip on Friday for school we will be taking a tour on a boat with my class. I hope will be riding the boat I can't wait till Friday!!!

THE END

It's official. I'm going back to school in October to finish my Bachelors Degree in Applied Psychology, and then my Masters in Counseling. When all is said and done, I'll have about $25,000 in student loans to pay off and it will take me about 3 full years. I'm scared to death, worried about the time, the money, the energy it's going to take to go through with all of this. But I'm even more scared not to do it. I love my life, don't get me wrong. I love my husband more than anything, I have three amazing children that couldn't give me more joy and fulfillment in my life. But... I also hate it. I hate not ever having enough money for anything...a big enough house for our family, a nice car, a vacation every once in a while, even little necessities like school clothes and supplies without stressing on it. I want to LIVE my life, and LOVE my life - not struggle through it.

And that's never going to change unless I do something about it. I can't keep living for today with no thought put into the future more than the next mortgage payment. I can't keep hoping and praying that things are going to get better, that we're going to somehow "fall into" money that will keep us afloat. I need to DO something about it, and that's where the plan comes in.

First things first - I have to finish school. Then I need to get a real job, and start bringing in money to keep us afloat. By the time I'm done, Eva will be in 1st grade, which means I can work during the day and not miss too much time with them after school and weekends. With a Masters, I will be able to work for a hospital, school, or private practice which means I should be able to work the kinds of hours I will need to keep myself happy and the kids feeling like I am not abandoning them. Hopefully I'll be able to make enough that Jeff can go back to school at that point and get his Bachelors degree in Business and then he'll be able to get a higher management position and we can work our stuff out with that.

Next - I need to start feeling more comfortable with myself, which is going to involve making time to work out again. I know that once school starts I will be able to do that, but I have 6 more weeks - I need to start doing it now. I think once I feel confident and better about my body by working out, eating right and losing some weight, I will feel more capable and less embarrassed to go out and do all those things I want to do, but can't.

Money and weight have been holding me back from living my life to the fullest extent, from doing all the things I really want to do with my life big picture and day to day... and I don't want to do that anymore, dammit. I want to feel like I am not being held back. So I need to do the things that are hard that will let me feel capable and confident.

Wish me luck

Summer blahs, Michael Jackson, and camp...

It's been a while... again. Summer came and the stress of the year came down upon me and hit me with a big ole "crash and burn". I finally was able to rest and relax, and found some time to catch up on my sleep and quiet time. In the process, I lost all semblance of a routine and the lifestyle that I had been accustomed to. Staying up late, sleeping in, sitting at home with the computer and the TV and catching up on DVR has taken it's toll and I am fully encompassed in the Summer Blahs. Yes, we've done some fun things - we went camping at the ocean for 3 days, which was awesome. We came home through Forks and let the oldest daughter fufill her dream of seeing the Cullen home, the Swan home, and all the fun places in her favorite book. I also took her to the Jonas Brothers concert and had a WONDERFUL time. Yes, I enjoyed the Jo Bros. Maybe even more than she did because I am old enough to truly appreciate seeing a band live - even a sugary sweet tween idol boy band (ahhh, the memories of NKOTB were strong that night!!). However - I have also given up working out and eating crap whenever I feel like it. It's been a bad stretch of 2 weeks and I finally stepped on the scale a few days ago and realized that, dammit - I gained back 10 of the 20 pounds it had taken me 6 months to lose in only 2 weeks. What the hell????

So last night I decided it's time to start back on my mission to make myself a priority and feel good about myself. I went tanning, I grocery shopped for healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners for the week. I gave myself (with hubbies help, isn't he AMAZING) a manicure, pedicure and facial, and a lip treatment. Using the momentum gained from starting to feel pretty, I got up at the UNGODLY hour of 4:45 *yes, AM* and went to my very first spinning class. And I didn't die!! Woo Hoo! In fact, it wasn't so bad. Getting up that early was really hard, but the class itself was actually kinda fun. And tonight, I get to go get my hair done! The plan is to try to hit Zumba tomorrow before spending all day making a three tiered fondant covered wedding cake for my mother in law. And freezing violet blooms into ice cubes for the punch. Ugh.

The good news is that all this work for the wedding and getting back in the groove of getting my priorities back in check are keeping my mind off of the one thing that is driving me totally crazy - the fact that my oldest child is gone to summer camp. 6 days, 5 nights at Drama Queen girl scout camp. Today is day 3. I'm slowly starting to get over the sadness that has overtaken me in her absence. I love her, even though she drives me crazy, and I'm missing her like crazy! I know that some people think I'm crazy for letting my 8 year old go to camp alone for that long. I kinda think I might be a little crazy for doing it too, honestly. But I know she's having a lot of fun, and she's probably doing some amazing things that she wouldn't be able to do otherwise. I am sure she's having fun, I just miss her :(

On to the big news of the millenium. Michael Jackson is dead. It's been about two weeks, and even with all the 24/7 news coverage and watching the memorial yesterday it still hasn't sunk all the way in. I am feeling very strange about the whole thing - I know there is a lot of controversy surrounding his life. Although he was acquited of all charges, there is always all that talk about child molestation - which as a mother offends me more than it's even possible to express. However, who really knows the truth? Only the child in question. So I feel like I need to give the guy the benefit of the doubt for a few reasons - 1. Again - he was acquited. The legal system is supposed to work, and we have to believe in that to feel safe in this country. I know there are many, many instances where it doesn't, and that's to be expected with a system so large and all encompassing. (Hello, OJ???) but in the end, I really believe that anything he did with the children in his life was truly innocent. And I believe that for reason 2. His life SUCKED. Yes, he was the most major music entertainer ever. Yes, he had billions of dollars, the Neverland ranch with all that cool shit, and he had the world at his finger tips. But, he also had an abusive father that pushed him at the ridiculously young and impressionable age of 5 into the spotlight that followed him for 45 years - his whole freaking life. From the earliest memories he could form, at that young age, his life was lived in front of - and judged by - the whole world. Tell me that won't mess a person up!!! And then there is the looks thing - I thought he was a major hottie back in the day, but he got judged - big nose, bad skin, etc. etc. And since the whole world was his whole world, the judgements were enough to make him crazy. I do think he was a bit crazy, but I also think that deep down, he was a very sad man who had no clue how to live a normal life, and he tried in every way he could to do the one thing he thought he was capable of, and put himself and his own thoughts, feelings and desires aside to please and entertain the world. In the end, it's the kids I feel for right now. Prince, Paris and Blanket (with the unfortunate name) break my heart. Regardless of all the rest, those children lost their father. And now they have to grieve in front of the world, and share their grief and mourning with the whole world, which I find totally unfair. That feeling, the mourning period should belong to them alone, as far as I'm concerned. The world lost an entertainer, those kids lost their daddy.

Ugh - anyway... now it's 9AM, and I have already worked out, had breakfast, showered, gotten dressed and ready for the day and set the kids' homework ready. Now it's time to feed them, dress them, school them, and get ready for the day.... here we go!!!!

Waiting for life....

I feel like I spend a lot of my time waiting for my life to start. I say, or think, things like... "when I lose another 20 pounds, I'll..." or "If I had a bigger house, I'd..." or "Next year, when the kids are in Xth grade, I will be able to do..."

But really, what the hell am I waiting for? Yes, family pictures would look a LOT better if I was a size 8 instead of 12. But if I died tomorrow, would I want my kids to not have a last picture of all of us together just because mommy thought she was fat??? Sure, entertaining would be much easier and fun if I had more room. But do I judge my friends my the size or neighborhood thier home is in?? No - of course not. So why do I put off having them here because I'm embarassed of mine? If they judge me on that stupid stuff, then do I really want to be their friend? Nope. And, okay, I'll give my self the whole, 'it's easier to plan for more things as the kids get older and are all in school longer periods of time' thought process... but I think that EVERY year!! First it was, when Em went to Kindergarten. Then when Elliot did. Now I'm all twitterpated about next year when both kids will be full time students, and only Eva will be in preschool. But is it really going to change that much? Probably not. Am I setting myself up for disappointment thinking that my life is going to get easier and easier when in reality any extra time I might find will probably be filled within 5 seconds because I can't STAND to be unscheduled??


And whats up with that, btw? When did I become this glutton for punishment? When did I become THAT mom, the one whose kids do scouts, baseball, soccer, football, cheer, gymnastics, hip hop, ballet, swimming, and taekwondo? I mean really - do the three of them need THAT much activity? Do I? And why am I still pondering guitar and piano? Do I think I have time, or that they have time? Why do I HATE open days on the calendar so much, or more aptly, open hours? Because I NEVER have an open day.

Ugh. I guess I am just realizing that I need to let go of this feeling of "waiting for my life to start" or it's going to pass me by. I know I'm still pretty young (yes, I still think 27 is pretty damn young, thankyouverymuch) but I also know that the years go quicker and quicker with each one that passes, and I don't want to miss out on all the stuff I could be, and should be, doing right now, in my 20's, while my kids are young, because I'm fat, broke, and all that jazz.

Updates and new things...

First of all, an update on the ADHD stuff - we're on day 5 of the Calm Child and Omega 3 supplements. So far, I notice a difference. It's not a miracle, by any means, but I do see slight changes that lead me to think they are helping. I'm also working on making sure that I do things to help personally, too. I make sure he's looking me in the eyes and repeats my directions, I give him time to process before asking for new things, and working on giving him skills to help him succeed. It's a learning process for both of us, but I feel we're on the right track which is helping me a lot.

Second - the weight loss struggle from hell. I don't know if anyone else noticed, but I have pretty much given up for the past few weeks. I gave it my all and had decent results for a while, but once I hit that plateau I gave up. I still did a perfunctory amount of working out because I was already at the gym with the kids for thier classes, but I didn't push myself and I fell of the food part of the diet wagon pretty much completely. The hardest part was after 10 days of eating whatever and not really working hard at working out - the scale didn't change. So when I ate really well and worked my butt off I was stuck - and when I didn't - I still was at the same weight. So after that, it was an easy slide back into old, bad habits.

I am ready now, though, to get back on the wagon. I'm at the Y for 5 hours a week now, over 4 days, with nothing to do but work out. So I am going to be doing a lot of that. I'm working on going back to the healthy eating plan - not the starving eating plan. I HAVE to remember to eat breakfast, and need to end the stupid slimfast shake habit. It doesn't fill me up, and I need more of a substantial breakfast. So, I'm back to whole wheat light english muffins with laughing cow cheese, whole wheat mini bagels with nonfat cream cheese, or oatmeal with flaxseed, wheat germ and raisins. Good, healthy, fill-you-up options.

I'm also addicted to snacking - so I need to work on picking good ones. Right now my obsessions are Maui Onion and Garlic Almonds, and ranch flavored mini rice cakes. If only I could get my portion control down with those :)

Anyway, that's all for now...

The start of something new...

I haven't written in a while, things have been going crazy. I'm sure there is a lot to share since my last posting, but instead of backtracking, I'm going to start talking about a new journey my family is taking. My son, always known as the wild one, has been having trouble. He can't concentrate, can't sit still, can't remember directions even when given consistently. I have always attributed this to his being a boy, being a middle child, being 5... always a reason, always an excuse. But instead of getting better, he continues with the same behaviors and struggles constantly. He upsets himself, apologizes constantly, and he is feeling like he's missing something.

Of course, my mind immediately jumps to ADHD. I have gone back and forth with myself about getting him tested and seeing if there is any validity to my fears, but I don't want to run the risk of getting him a "diagnosis" and having it follow him throughout his school years. We all know that "those" kids get judged and treated differently in school by their teachers, peers, and even the specialists they have to see. I am also concerned with using medication. I don't know enough about the side effects, the long term studies, and the consequences - I am not against medication if it's necessary, but I am looking at the benefits of alternative treatments first.

So - long story trying to be a bit shorter, I heard about a "coffee" test. See, the caffeine in coffee works the same as the "uppers" in Ritalin and Adderall. It's a much smaller dosage than the average prescription, but in a child who actually suffers from ADHD, the caffeine will not have the common effect of making them more hyper, but will instead do the opposite and calm them down.

I tried half a cup of coffee with him last night before bed, and it truly worked. He stayed in bed, didn't jump, didn't climb, didn't do any of the things he normally does.

So we're trying the homeopathic ADHD diet. Start the day with a protein shake made of soy milk, coffee, sugar free sweetener and protein poweder, and a high protein breakfast option (for conveniece sake, a simple scrambled egg, cheese, and bacon sandwich). We are eliminating milk, which is fine since he drinks soy most of the time anyway, and as much sugar as possible. We're cutting out 90% of any processed foods, which we rarely eat anyway since I LOVE to cook from scratch. We'll continue to keep white bread, flour, pastas and rice out of the home. He will have another protein/coffee shake before bed, and possibly mid day if necessary.

After a week, we'll re-evaluate if the diet is helping enough, or if we still think we should take him to a dr. but for now, fingers are crossed!

Lame day

So, the day started off really well...
We had an AWESOME spring break - Great Wolf vacation, nice relaxing weekend afterwards (pics on FB for those that care) - and I was all ready and prepared for this week of going back to "real life". I had meals planned, fruits and veggies prepped, I even made muffins for breakfast this morning. I got up, kids were ready and to school on time, and we even made it to swimming lessons on time and I worked out on the dreaded elliptical machine. Good for me. I should have known better than to think that just because I was prepared and feeling confident did NOT mean the day was going to go my way.

First of all, my biggest goal for the past few years has been to get my kids into our district's cooperative elementary school program. It's a hard program to get into since they only let 22 - 24 kids in each class... and those are multiage classrooms, so only 11 or 12 kids in each grade level... and when you add that they gender balance each grade, that leaves about 5 or 6 spots for each gender in each grade. That's not a lot of opportunity. Unfortunately, (although they have dropped all day Kindergarten in the whole district so it's not a problem anymore) the Kindergarten class costs $250 a month (same cost as regular all day K) so we never tried to get in with either kid for Kindergarten because, well, we're poor folk and that is way over our limit on paying for public education! So instead, we have put the kids in the lottery each year. Since the princess is headed to 3rd grade, this is her 3rd lotto. It's the wild child's first, since he'll be headed to 1st grade. And... I bet you saw this coming... we didn't get in. Again. GRRRR!!! We are number 1 on the third grade waiting list, so there is a good chance that by the time school starts in September she'll be in. Unfortunately, 1st grade is hardest to get into, so we have no chance there. If we'd lotteried into 3rd, since the lotto goes down from 6th grade, we would have automatically gotten into 1st under the sibling program (if you have one kid in the program, come placement time your other kids are in priority list) but since we didn't, even if we do get in by the beginning of the year for 3rd, the 1st class is already full. So while I am pretty sure we get moved up higher to the priority waitlist, we still won't get guaranteed a spot, and chances are we won't get in anyway.

Bummer.

Then, when I called to complain to the hubs, he proceeds to tell me all about his crappy day. Problems with the boss again, who has ridiculous expectations but refuses to allow the hubs - as manager of the food and beverage, and banquet, departments - to actually fire and hire people at will so he can train the staff to his expections. So instead, he's stuck with a staff that was trained badly and don't want to learn anything new or do things his way since he's still the "newbie" compared to most of the hourly employees. So when they screw up and they get complaints to his department it's his fault for not being a good enough manager. Even though he wants to change things so it's more productive and they won't let him. UGH. In this economy, it's really scary because there aren't a lot of jobs out there for event managers. People aren't having many events, therefore most businesses aren't hiring. So thank god, they didn't fire him, but he's worried. And pissed. So instead of being able to get some condolences about how devestated I am that we still aren't in the co-op program, I have to be Mrs. Supportive Spouse.

GRRRR.

And, the princess has dance class tonight at 7:45, so at least I will get to go work out again - it's sick and wrong how much I am learning to love and look forward to that time. And just maybe if the hubs gets home early enough I can go tanning first.

Thanks, no really, thanks... NOT

Okay, let me set the stage...  I am in the middle of facebooking and making dinner simultaneously.  I am a very busy lady, don'tcha know?  So as the Princess is sitting there doing absolutely nothing I say, "Hey, while you're sitting there, why don't you fold the laundry?"  She responds, shockingly, with "sure". 

Back to the kitchen I go, glowing from the joy of having some laundry help.  Or maybe it's the steam facial from browning the turkey meat for chili (which, btw, is probably burning as I sit here to write this) thinking how lovely.

Then the shoe drops.  I hear a horrified scream from the other room.  "MMMMOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOMMMMM.... WHAT IS THIS????" Insert moment of mommy panic here.  Thoughts that run through my head include 1. Have I worn a naughty outfit recently that could have been mixed up in the wash, or worse - did a toy somehow get lodged into the sheets I washed yesterday (no, I don't mean a matchbox car people) and should I stop adding extra beans to our chili because every penny counts and will be needed to put towards future therapy bills?  2. Oh god, are the mice back?  I thought they were gone.  Crap.  3. ... okay, no time for thought number 3, I mean seriously people my house is about thisbig so getting from kitchen to living room really only requires moving my head about three inches to the right.

In any case, I look at my poor horrified daughter, who is holding up - of course - my granny panties!  Lovely.  The thing is - yes, I know this is TMI - I don't wear underwear as a rule.  I hate it.  All kinds.  But this weekend we had a fancy auction to attend to which I planned to wear a dress, so - underwear had to be worn.  It was a PTA auction, after all!  So, I wore my big old sucky -inny underoos that are very reminiscent of my grandma's one piece eye hook all up the back bra/panty combo piece of the early 80's.  **  Not really sure that this was actually an early '80's thing, but that's when I saw her wearing it, so that's my immediate thought.

anyway.  I just grabbed them, said they are mommies panties, thankyouverymuch, and you can go play now.

I may have over-reacted though - I think I saw her snickering about getting out of laundry duty on her way back to the TV.  LOL

Kids.... GRRR

Okay, so my oldest daughter is a very severe asthmatic.  She's been in and out of the hospital a ton of times and is on a twice daily dose of a preventative medicine, and so far it's done a pretty good job.  However, she started last night not feeling well.  She's got that asthmatic cough that sounds like croup and fell asleep at only 3:30PM yesterday and slept for over an hour, and didn't even want to eat dinner.  She called from the nurse's office this afternoon not feeling well, but wanted to stay to the end of the day because they were doing a fun art project.  Okay.  I told her to rest for a few minutes, have some water, use her albuterol inhaler and go back to class - if she needed me, she was told to call and I'd get right there to pick her up.   No big deal, this is pretty typical of our life.

Then she comes home from the bus - with a friend - "Can she stay for a while?".  GRRRR.  We've had this discussion many times about putting me in an awkward position to ask me with her friend right there on the porch to ask if she can play.  I started to say no, but they both sat and pleaded, and the friend pulled the, "My mom has to run an errand but I have homework, can I stay here and do it?" card.  So here she is.  And Emily is still wheezing and playing when she should be resting.

GRRRRR!!!

First official weigh in!

well, I weighed in officially this morning. I am down 5 pounds, which was what I had gained between Thanksgiving and New Years. I am happy with that though! I also lost a total of 5 inches - 2 in my tummy!

This next week the kids go back to Y classes so I am upping my work outs from the few minutes here and there I got this week at home to the full program I set up for myself, which is half an hour of cardio monday and wednesday mornings, and then another half an hour of cardio those afternoons/evenings plus half an hour of weight training on those afternoons/evenings. Although I'd prefer to mix up the days instead of doing two workouts a day two days a week, those are the times the kids are already in classes so I am there with nothing else to do so it works out well!

I may try to add another half an hour of weight training on Friday mornings before work, but I don't know if that will work out with my volunteer time in Em's class. We'll see. I still want to keep up on doing yoga at home with the 20 minute iPod download, at least a few days a week. Plus my weekly walks to meet the girls for coffee on Sundays.

I think adding those work outs to my eating plan will help boost my weight and inches lost in the next few weeks! I am so excited to finally be on my way to being a healthier person!

Besides my weight loss efforts, I have also been working on my goal of keeping the house cleaned and organized this week. The kids have been doing really well on their chores, which is helping a lot. I have some good songs on a playlist on the iPod, too, that is helping me get my cleaning done. It's nice to have some loud music or interesting podcasts to listen to while I clean - it makes me want to do it more, and when it's the loud upbeat music I dance around while cleaning which is good for my body too!

This week has been a great start, but I know myself and I sometimes lose my way when things come up that throw me off. I am hoping that I can get through this month of January without losing focus so that I can make this new lifestyle more of a habit than a process. But I am not going to worry about any of that right now, I am going to bask in the knowledge that my life, my body, my family and my home are healthier and happier this week!

Hilarious things...

Sometimes my kids say things that are so funny I can't stop laughing, even when they are mad or upset.

My son just threw a big fit over what to have as a drink between meals, and yelled in the whiniest voice, "Fine, I'll just have some stupid, stinky no-taste water, happy now mom??"

Cracks me up.

I still made him drink the water.

Bad Girl

I just did something I was not supposed to do... I weighed in a day early :( My weigh and measure in day is supposed to be tomorrow, and though I have been really good about my food (although I did eat two servings of pita chips last night) all week, I am only down 2 pounds. I know, that's still good, and I should be proud, but I really had this hope that I would lose like 5 pounds this week. It's hard to stay on track eating small meals all day and never feeling hungry when I don't feel like I'm losing enough weight.

This is my problem, and the reason I give up so often. Even though I have a lot of nutrition knowledge and self-knowledge and I know that eating a healthy and balanced diet, and eating all day long instead of 2 or 3 big meals toward the end of the day is the best for my body, not just my weight loss, but also my health. But I also know that when the scale doesn't change much and I have spent all week NOT feeling hungry, I think - well damn, maybe I need to eat less, then next week I will eat less, until I spend a week eating nothing but carrot sticks and slim fast shakes - at which point I will feel like crap, tired, cranky, nauseaus and depressed - and then I just give up the diet altogether. I do this all the time.

That's why blogging about this, as well as going through this life change with the support of my friends is so important to me. I find it to be much easier to get through it - and eat breakfast this morning (which I have never done on the weekends - at least very rarely and it's usually a big fatty brunch if I do)knowing it's the right thing to do for my weight and health.

So for today, my plan is to stay on plan. To do some yoga and get the house cleaned up so I can keep up on it this week. I know that next week when I add in my more intense workouts during the week I will up my weight loss from this week, and doing 20 minutes of yoga a day, and 20 minutes of cardio a couple of times this week has helped me raise my fitness level enough that I can try to keep up my work out schedule.

So, I am wishing myself luck, but I don't want to need it. I am instead going to wish myself happiness and self control. I know I have that in me.

Dinner

I am so hungry!  Not physically, I don't think - lunch was filling - but because we just booked our weekend away for the end of next month (our 8th anniversary) and we're going to Leavenworth, which is my favorite vacation spot (we don't get out much, or I'd probably say Cancun or something, LOL) and one reason is because of the Cheesemongers Shop they have there.  They have the very best cheese in the world, especially the Butterkase, the Basil Garlic Gouda, the Cotswold, the Drunken Goat and the Mango Ginger Stilton.  See why I am hungry???  Just the thought of all that yummy cheese, some fresh warm bread, and some of the wonderful wines and oh god, the Soup Cellar make me want to leave and drive up right now!!  Plus, there is the  Hot Sauce Shop, the place where, after a few too many drinks the night before, my lovely husband tried the hottest of sauces and puked!  Good times :)

So, instead of fresh cheese, warm bread, and great wine I am eating a turkey taco salad for dinner.  Ground turkey breast cooked in taco seasoning, black beans, olives, fat free sour cream and cheese, and a little salsa on a bed of shredded lettuce.  Good, but not cheese and bread :(

Why don't I do this more often???

I'll blog my check in tonight or early tomorrow morning once I'm finished eating completely for the day, but in the meantime I need to rant about myself.  Yes, I am self ranting.  Why don't I work out more often??  I did 20 minutes of yoga, then 20 minutes on the trampoline and I feel soooo good!  I always feel good after a work out, and I don't know why I don't do it more often.

The thing is, it's easier to just sit on my butt than actually make myself do anything active.  I know that.  But doing it would make me feel so much more healthy.  Physically and emotionally.  I actually enjoy the feeling of doing it (most of the time) and the feeling afterwards - it's just the making myself start that sucks.  I need to get over it.  I feel very good!

Day 4 Sucked

The funeral was really hard.